how do I give up my anger

I have been told by the premier adoption attachment therapist in New Jersey that I have to give up my anger towards CC in order to move forward.  She didn't tell me how to do that though.  I must come across as a raging bitch but I am really not.  I think more than angry I am just bored and tired of trying to build a relationship and make a connection to someone who can't give me much back, and what she does give me back seems to be so superficial.  I wish I could just be satisfied that I am doing the best that I can and it's pretty good.  Most of my my anger is directed at myself for not feeling good enough.  I am not affectionate enough, I am not trying hard enough, I don't know the right things to say.  I feel so inadequate as a mother to damaged children, and yet if when we don't have a placement I don't feel like I am doing enough.  If I could get over second guessing myself and make the  most of each day, each experience, each child, and know that I am doing the best that I can (which I am.  It might not be right all of the time but it is definitely the best that I can), I would be able to find peace with all of this.