Less stress

I feel so much less stressed at home lately.  We still have four children, and only the baby whom we loved and who didn't cause much trouble has left, but it feels like there is less angst, more contentment and I have generally more free time.  I think it must be anticipating BJ's departure also.

I am so disappointed in myself for not being able to love a nine year old who has no major personality, behavioral, or learning disorders.  He is a good kid who does everything we ask him to do, gets along great with our little boys and is kind to younger children, but something just never clicked. He never says please or thank you with genuineness.  He gets a huge attitude when someone gets something he doesn't get, even though in general he gets more "stuff" than anyone else in the house. Last night he was making his Christmas list and he said he wanted: a phone, a computer, legos, heelies.  I suggested that he might want to consider the cost of these items and narrow it down a bit or put some cheaper items on his list as well.  Meanwhile, ML said that because BJ was taking the legos with him when he left he might want some legos of his own when he was nine.  Then he added, "but only if they don't cost too much money."  ML said that he wanted garbage truck legos for Christmas and upon hearing that his two year old brother JC said he wanted those too and ML said, "Well we can share them and keep them in our room since we share a room." How is anyone going to compete with that?  Not that kids should have to compete but it is a stark contrast to greed. 

BJ is moving in with "cousins" he has never met but he can't wait to get there because he thinks it is going to be better than our house and he is going to "get more."  He probably will get more love and affection and hope that is what he will come to appreciate.  I wish I could have given it to him.  We gave him a safe, comfortable place to live and I just wish I could have given him the physical affection and love that he needed as well.  I just couldn't bring myself to do it. I tried but usually when I had good intentions he would frustrate me with some inconsiderate behavior that made me not want to hug him up.  I guess we did the best we could, and even though it wasn't enough to satisfy either of us, it will have to do.