Old Home Week

Just ran down to our CPS office to drop off a few important things BJ left behind (a brand new inhaler & school library books) and ran into both Baby N & BJ's mom.  2 for the price of one.

I was getting off the elevator when BJ's mom was getting off & it didn't seem like she saw me/recognized me.  That's fine - I suspect she doesn't love us and may have said some stuff to BJ about us - which made our last month with him a little uncomfortable.  Then, after I dropped off BJ's items I was headed back to the elevator and saw Baby N at the end of the hallway with his parents.  I had never met his parents, but Andrea had - but I recognized them from her description.  I wasn't sure if I should say hi, but I did - I had to.  He looks so cute, his hair is growing in so curly and we was super smiley and laughing a bunch.  I am not sure if seeing him gave me closure or made me even more sad.  His parents were very nice - they kept telling me that they wished he stayed with us instead of going to the bio-dad's parents.  They do not get along - but they have their other son who is 18 months old.   But, I am so glad I got to see him.  I really do miss him and ML just said this weekend that he misses Baby N the most. I am glad I can bring home some news of him.

Then, right after I left the building, I saw BJ's mom sitting outside and I knew she saw me this time - so we chatted for about 10 minutes.  BJ is doing fine - his football team is playing in the championship game this Saturday. They are undefeated.  We are all going to go and see him play this weekend.  She thanked us for taking good care of him - she said she knows there are some scary homes out there & was glad he was with us.  She also told me that it looks like BJ's dad is going to be in jail for a lot longer than anyone thinks - he has more charges against him then what was mentioned in the newspaper article about his arrest.  Jail might be the best way for him to keep out of trouble!  Since we are going to see BJ's game this weekend, we'll be able to meet the cousins he's staying with, so that's good - partly because I am super nosy.

We couldn't ask for much more.....

I feel like everything I write is negative and I just wanted to focus on the positive with CC.  We really couldn't ask for much more from a 13 year old girl.  She does what we ask her to, she is appreciative of everything we do for her/give her, and she is polite and appropriate.  She had an allergic reaction to something the other day and my aunt inquired about how she was feeling in a facebook post.  CC replied that she was feeling better and "thank you for asking."  That seemed pretty impressive for someone who has had no parenting. 

I always wanted a girl and while I pictured dressing up a little girl and doing pigtails, CC doesn't feel like a consolation prize.  She feels like that little girl, just without the dress up and pigtails.  and I probably wouldn't have been good at that stuff anyway. 

Less stress

I feel so much less stressed at home lately.  We still have four children, and only the baby whom we loved and who didn't cause much trouble has left, but it feels like there is less angst, more contentment and I have generally more free time.  I think it must be anticipating BJ's departure also.

I am so disappointed in myself for not being able to love a nine year old who has no major personality, behavioral, or learning disorders.  He is a good kid who does everything we ask him to do, gets along great with our little boys and is kind to younger children, but something just never clicked. He never says please or thank you with genuineness.  He gets a huge attitude when someone gets something he doesn't get, even though in general he gets more "stuff" than anyone else in the house. Last night he was making his Christmas list and he said he wanted: a phone, a computer, legos, heelies.  I suggested that he might want to consider the cost of these items and narrow it down a bit or put some cheaper items on his list as well.  Meanwhile, ML said that because BJ was taking the legos with him when he left he might want some legos of his own when he was nine.  Then he added, "but only if they don't cost too much money."  ML said that he wanted garbage truck legos for Christmas and upon hearing that his two year old brother JC said he wanted those too and ML said, "Well we can share them and keep them in our room since we share a room." How is anyone going to compete with that?  Not that kids should have to compete but it is a stark contrast to greed. 

BJ is moving in with "cousins" he has never met but he can't wait to get there because he thinks it is going to be better than our house and he is going to "get more."  He probably will get more love and affection and hope that is what he will come to appreciate.  I wish I could have given it to him.  We gave him a safe, comfortable place to live and I just wish I could have given him the physical affection and love that he needed as well.  I just couldn't bring myself to do it. I tried but usually when I had good intentions he would frustrate me with some inconsiderate behavior that made me not want to hug him up.  I guess we did the best we could, and even though it wasn't enough to satisfy either of us, it will have to do. 

8 hours later and he is gone

Kristin got a call at 10:00 am on Friday that Baby N would be picked up at 6:00 pm that evening to go live with his grandparents.  We had never met his caseworker (who ended up being nice and had just had a busy week placing other babies) nor were we warned that his grandparents were interested in having him.
We miss him but I know that he is with his brother who is only a year older and his grandparents who fought to get him.  Somehow having a baby balances out having older kids and the disconnect that I sometimes feel with them.  It's hard not to feel connected to a baby when they fall asleep on you, look you in the eye you while you give them a bottle, and depend on you for everything. 
It was an easier weekend without him but I still want another one. 

1st to leave

Well, after almost 3 months and 3 great nights of sleep training, Baby N is leaving us tonight to live with his grandparents. They also have his older brother - older by exactly one year.

We've never actually had a child leave us to go home or to go with family, so it's unnerving to get that phone call.  It's like a great big, "remember this is temporary" smack in the face. At least they are giving us time to pack him up and spend a little time with him.  So, I am leaving work early to get him and start getting his stuff in order.  I am also trying to get a bunch of pictures ordered to put in a small photo album for his grandparents.  They didn't even know he existed until about 2 months ago. Heck, I am not sure if they've ever even seen him.  I am glad that he's so young & (probably) won't freak out with whole new situation & people.

I am wondering if I should write them about the sleep training so they don't go through what we went through. We are gonna miss that little guy.  And I am not looking forward to explaining it to ML & JC.  They LOVE him.

ML & Baby N - my little superheroes

Sleep training

Soooo, as we may have mentioned once or twice, Baby N is a notoriously bad sleeper.  As in he wakes up almost every 2 hours - and won't go back to sleep unless he gets a bottle (I guess he still thinks he's a newborn).  We've tried a pacifier & he just won't take it for more than 10 seconds.  I never thought I'd be trying to get a 6 month old to TAKE a pacifier.  But, he sucks on the bottle to soothe himself back to sleep & I want him to sleep, so we try the very special pacifier - given to us by his parents, who swear he uses it (and who want it back for sentimental reasons, if he doesn't use it).

Last night I started, "Let's-get-Baby-N-to-sleep-on-his-own Sleep Training Boot Camp."  He goes down fine, but usually with a bottle, so that's the first thing I changed.  Now one of us will take him upstairs and give him his bottle until he's almost ready to fall asleep, then put him in his crib.  Basic, right?  Maybe for most kids, but usually moving him after he falls asleep wakes him completely up and the screaming begins.  But, last night I tried something different.  I noticed in the car the other day that when I turned up the radio a bit he fell right to sleep (during a screaming bout).  Then, I remembered that his mom wrote in a note that he "likes loud music."  So, I thought - let's try that & brought up the world's last CD player & put in the only CD I could find - Adele's 21.  Who wouldn't want to fall asleep with with sweet, sweet sounds of Adele crooning in their ear?  I put him in his crib, gave him the pacifier (which was spit out in the noted 10 seconds) turned up Adele and left.  He fell asleep.

Ok. That worked.  But falling asleep at bedtime isn't the problem.  It's staying asleep.  We were just falling asleep when he woke up around 11:30.  I gave him his pacifier and rubbed his head and told him it was time to sleep then left.  He whined and cried (not his ear-drum shattering cry though) for about 5 minutes (although it felt like forever) then was quiet.  He fell back to sleep.  On his own.

Cut to 2 hours later.  He's up and crying. I do the same thing again.  He doesn't stop, I wait 5 minutes then figure that maybe I should not stop the bottle cold turkey and gave him some watered-down formula & we went right back to sleep.  Ok, not bad.

2 hours later, it's 4 am.  He's screaming.  Now, when I say screaming, I mean screaming.  Like he is slowly being eaten by a bear.  It's ridiculous.  I vowed that he will not win this battle - no bottle and I will not pick him up & bring him to my bed.  Every 5 or 6 minutes for an hour, I would go into him, give him the pacifier rub his head (he LOVES that) tell him he's ok and it's time to sleep then I go back to bed.  After an hour of that every 5 minutes he fell asleep until 6ish, which is when Andrea wakes up.

So, I will attempt to do this for a week and hope it makes a difference.  Fingers crossed it will because we are going to Mexico for 4 days for my sister's wedding next week and Andrea's mom & aunt are watching the kids - I would like at least SOME sleep improvement by then.  No deserves to go through this - especially if they are doing us a favor. (We locked them in back when we only had 3 kids - oops! sorry guys!)

My day with two sick boys - In pictures (mostly)

Dropped BJ & Baby N off at school/daycare. Then I just HAD to make the apple pie I promised to make the day before - and so the day begins....

                            Apple Pie - Cat Tree (because the boys each wanted different designs)

And start the butternut squash soup for dinner tonight

AND hard boil some eggs for dinner alter this week (avocado & egg salad sandwiches)

All while drinking the best peppermint mocha ever (dropped off by my very kind sister, L.)

Then, I spent some time with the worms & let the chickens free from their yard

Sleepyheads

Lunch for me (left-over Chinese food & a special treat)

No nap for me, but this was almost as good

I got a break from running up & down these (not pictured: the bunches of laundry I did and the 2 beds I had to re-sheet!)

Then they woke up & had some lunch (oh around 3:30/4)

And played (JC is in Baby N's "roller coaster")

Then Andrea got home with Baby N & we worked on prepping yet another meal for the week (quinoa and fake chicken burritos - they are really good) 

 

While Baby N had his bottle (he is REALLY good at holding it himself)

And BJ played with his iPod touch (which he is obsessed with)

The rest of our night was pretty boring.  CC came home & then went out with her therapist & we did dinner, homework & bed time.  It was so boring I forgot to take pictures. But, I will say, this day was waaaaaay less relaxing than my sick day with JC last week.  From now on, only 1 sick kid at a time!