Court

All three kids have 3 different court dates this week.  Yikes!  Here is a run-down of what I think will happen - and maybe next week I will write about how totally wrong I was.

CC: she is going to talk to the judge about her case.  As of right now court has ordered her worker to find her an adoptive home.  She has said that she does not want to be adopted but she wants to age out of the system.  I understand her feelings - she's been in some bad situations, both in foster care & her one adoptive placement - but I also think it's a hard decision to make at 13.  She still has a while to go in the system!  She said she was nervous about the judge, but I explained that he will listen to her and take her feelings into consideration (I hope!) but will end up deciding what he feels is best for her at her age.  She is not in trouble, so the judge isn't angry or upset with her (that's how she feels). I don't want to her freak if the judge decides they have to continue searching for a new adoptive home for her.  She knows we are here for her as long as she needs in this process.

BJ: I know that for this case they are trying to lower the dad's visits from 3 hours a week to 1 because he is a constant no show.  I think that will happen.  I also know that they are going to recommend that BJ is moved to his aunt's house as soon as she gets approved and not wait until the next court date.  I hope that happens for him - I think it's the best plan for him to be successful.  I think his dad will flip out at some point during the proceedings (he seems to think he's going to get him back, even though he's done NOTHING in his plan). Plus, he said he would fight the move to the aunt's house - since she is in another state - and he'll "never get to see him." Dude, you don't see him now, you never come to visits now - what's the difference? Also, how about fighting to get him back instead of fighting any progress for your son to move forward? I am not sure about his mom, she was making progress, but now there are rumors that all may not be going as smoothly as we thought.  So, all I hope for this case is that they can move forward with the aunt soon.  I think though, they may end up giving the mom more time & longer visits and stretch this out for months.  Again.

Baby N: I think for his case they are just going to give the parents their plan and set up visits.  I don't think much will happen here.  Although there is the SLIGHT chance that he will go home.

Check back next week and see if I am psychic! Or just crazy.  

No Show

BJ with JC at wildlife center

BJ has been with us since January.  He came about a week after his 9th birthday.  He had been taken into care in the beginning of January, but that family went on vacation, so he went into a respite home the next week and the original family couldn't take him back for some reason (I heard a couple different stories).  He had been going to school in out town and doing well, so they called us.  We had just had a sibling group of three leave the week before so we said yes.


Everyone though it was going to be a short placement.  His dad had custody, but he (BJ) had been living with his mother when he went into care & the dad was doing all that was asked of him (they were never married).  Then.  We were good up to March, everyone thought he was going home.  Then his dad stopped coming to visits - but the judge gave him 3 hour visits once a week (instead of just one) with the idea that he would get over nights and weekends soon after.  It never happened.  He was in a program that offered "therapeutic" visits as long as he went to their program.  He went for a while, then stopped. No more therapeutic visits.


We had been so encouraged.  We signed BJ up for baseball & his dad would come to games/practices and ask to see him on weekends to practice with him.  He is a nice, charming guy - always thanking us for taking care of BJ and saying how much he appreciates everything.  He is also manipulative.  He wants to see BJ when it's good for him, no matter what the schedule the judge set for him.  He thinks he can charm/talk us into letting him see BJ whenever he wants (he once asked BJ if we could "stop by his place" on our way home from Maine - a 10 hour drive - just to say hi. Yeah right).  That stopped and now we have very little contact with him.  We even used to have BJ call him the night before a visit to remind him to confirm the visit for the next day - mainly b/c BJ wanted to see him so bad.  But, no more.  It's time for us to stop doing his work for him (I mean, we are already parenting his kid for him) and let him sink or swim on his own.


Today is the perfect example.  Since Andrea is out of town, my sister E. is watching the 3 boys - along with her own 11 month old daughter.  The original plan was for her to either take the kids to my aunt's house to go swimming for the day, or to go to our town pool.  Because BJ's dad confirmed his visit for today & he would get picked up at 1:30 for the visit, she didn't have time to do either (my aunt lives about 45 mins away).  So, BJ got picked up (a little late), went to the office & THE DAD DID NOT SHOW UP.  Seriously?!?  This is like the 3rd week in a row.  He randomly shows up to football practice (mostly because some of his family is there and I think he want to put on a show) - but not the visit he confirmed?!  My sister could have taken all the kids to the pool - all day - and had a nice, easy day.  Instead they all stayed home and basically just hung out.  I am super annoyed and want to send him an angry text message, but I won't.  I am writing here instead.   The next court date is mid-September and I think he is in for a rude awakening there.


A few months ago they started looking into BJ's maternal aunt who lives in another state.  She comes up to visit, checks up on things with his caseworker and is very interested in doing kinship care.  We love that idea for him - he would be the only child in that house and I think he needs that kind of attention from one (or two, I think she's married, but not 100% on that) person/family member.  We think he's been living from place to place - where ever  his dad could find a place to crash for a few weeks/months.  But, now his mom has stepped it up.  She came to visits pretty regularly, but hadn't really been considered for custody due to her issues.  Well, she's gone to detox, got a job & an apartment and comes to every visit & actually reschedules if she can't make a visit (that is HUGE for anyone involved in this case).  Honestly, I think the best place for BJ is with his aunt, but you have to give it to the mom for trying - and hopefully succeeding.