No Show

BJ with JC at wildlife center

BJ has been with us since January.  He came about a week after his 9th birthday.  He had been taken into care in the beginning of January, but that family went on vacation, so he went into a respite home the next week and the original family couldn't take him back for some reason (I heard a couple different stories).  He had been going to school in out town and doing well, so they called us.  We had just had a sibling group of three leave the week before so we said yes.


Everyone though it was going to be a short placement.  His dad had custody, but he (BJ) had been living with his mother when he went into care & the dad was doing all that was asked of him (they were never married).  Then.  We were good up to March, everyone thought he was going home.  Then his dad stopped coming to visits - but the judge gave him 3 hour visits once a week (instead of just one) with the idea that he would get over nights and weekends soon after.  It never happened.  He was in a program that offered "therapeutic" visits as long as he went to their program.  He went for a while, then stopped. No more therapeutic visits.


We had been so encouraged.  We signed BJ up for baseball & his dad would come to games/practices and ask to see him on weekends to practice with him.  He is a nice, charming guy - always thanking us for taking care of BJ and saying how much he appreciates everything.  He is also manipulative.  He wants to see BJ when it's good for him, no matter what the schedule the judge set for him.  He thinks he can charm/talk us into letting him see BJ whenever he wants (he once asked BJ if we could "stop by his place" on our way home from Maine - a 10 hour drive - just to say hi. Yeah right).  That stopped and now we have very little contact with him.  We even used to have BJ call him the night before a visit to remind him to confirm the visit for the next day - mainly b/c BJ wanted to see him so bad.  But, no more.  It's time for us to stop doing his work for him (I mean, we are already parenting his kid for him) and let him sink or swim on his own.


Today is the perfect example.  Since Andrea is out of town, my sister E. is watching the 3 boys - along with her own 11 month old daughter.  The original plan was for her to either take the kids to my aunt's house to go swimming for the day, or to go to our town pool.  Because BJ's dad confirmed his visit for today & he would get picked up at 1:30 for the visit, she didn't have time to do either (my aunt lives about 45 mins away).  So, BJ got picked up (a little late), went to the office & THE DAD DID NOT SHOW UP.  Seriously?!?  This is like the 3rd week in a row.  He randomly shows up to football practice (mostly because some of his family is there and I think he want to put on a show) - but not the visit he confirmed?!  My sister could have taken all the kids to the pool - all day - and had a nice, easy day.  Instead they all stayed home and basically just hung out.  I am super annoyed and want to send him an angry text message, but I won't.  I am writing here instead.   The next court date is mid-September and I think he is in for a rude awakening there.


A few months ago they started looking into BJ's maternal aunt who lives in another state.  She comes up to visit, checks up on things with his caseworker and is very interested in doing kinship care.  We love that idea for him - he would be the only child in that house and I think he needs that kind of attention from one (or two, I think she's married, but not 100% on that) person/family member.  We think he's been living from place to place - where ever  his dad could find a place to crash for a few weeks/months.  But, now his mom has stepped it up.  She came to visits pretty regularly, but hadn't really been considered for custody due to her issues.  Well, she's gone to detox, got a job & an apartment and comes to every visit & actually reschedules if she can't make a visit (that is HUGE for anyone involved in this case).  Honestly, I think the best place for BJ is with his aunt, but you have to give it to the mom for trying - and hopefully succeeding.